A Series of Miserable Moments
by Cammie Reyes
Summary: Please do not read this fan fiction.You will get nothing but woe,misery and grief because these are what the Quagmire orphans' lives are full of. Signed, Kit Snicket.
1. Chapter 1 The Sinister Start

_To Bertrand-darling,dearest,dead_

_**Chapter One**_**-The Sinister Start**

I don't know about you, but most people I know love to read stories with happy endings. Some people, including two women and two men who I don't particularly like to talk about, love to read stories that end with woe, misery, grief and smoke, because that, to them, makes them happy. Other people prefer endings that are not really endings, because there are so many questions left unanswered and that gives them something to think about. However, there are some endings that you cannot avoid, whether or not you like the ending, because, unfortunately, the ending is true. I'm sad to say that this story has an ending just like that. Whether or not you like unhappy endings, this story has an ending so wretched that I could barely bring myself to write about it, and as early as now I advise you to stop reading it.

The story begins with a woman calling a man's name.

"Arnold!" Felicia Baudelaire-Quagmire called from the third story of her mansion. Her husband, who had been climbing up the stairs after a hard week's spying, rushed into his wife's arms and they kissed passionately.

"I thought you'd never be able to come back!" said Felicia.

The man chuckled. "It was hardly anything."

"Have you heard anything about my brother?"

The man stopped. "Let's not talk about that now, Felicia."

At that moment one of their three children entered the room. "Mother, Dad, look at this map of Winnipeg that I completed when Dad was away!"

Felicia gave her husband a worried look, and her son a sad look. "Sweetie, you can show that to us later. But your father and I have something to talk about. Something very important."

The boy scowled. He always hated it when his parents had one of those ''important talks," the type they never let the children hear about. He left the room.

"Now, you were saying, Arnold?"

"I've found out something during my trip," he said. "Here."

He knelt down and opened the suitcase he had been carrying all the while, and brought out something that made Felicia gasp in terror.

"Arnold! Why did you get that? Oh no, if Esme finds out-"

"Felicia, calm down. Like I've told you a million times before, Esme is not noble, and we had been wrong to allow her to be in charge of our affairs. This last trip to Winnipeg is a desperate attempt to get rid of her control of our fortune. On the way, I had to visit your brother's wife's former lover, and he told me to keep this for a moment, because Esme was hunting him down, and he had a plan."

"And what sort of plan is that, Arnold?" Felicia groaned.

"Well, I tried to talk to him out of it, but he said that he was trying to infiltrate Olaf's home and find out just what he and Esme were up to next. I talked to his sister, Kit, but then..."

His voice trailed off, and after awhile Felicia realized why.

"Arnold, is that...smoke?" Felicia asked worriedly, sniffing the air.

"Get Quigley," Arnold hissed. "Now!"

In a moment, Felicia was sprinting down the stairs, coughing through the growing smoke. Luckily enough, she saw her son, Quigley, eating some apples in the library, his nose buried in a book about the Finite Forest.

"Mother, I just heard the breaking of the glass-"

Felicia ignored him and took his arm, and she headed for the main hall.

"Where are your siblings?" she cried.

"In the beach," Quigley replied. "But I think they just arrived home. Mother, I-"

They had reached the main hall, but the smoke was so terrible that Felicia said, "let's get back to the library. I know where to go."

They dashed back to the library. Felicia removed the rug, revealing a trapdoor Quigley had never seen before. "Wait for me here," she said, gently pushing Quigley down and shutting the trapdoor.

"Mother, wait-"

The trapdoor shut, and everything seemed to grow darker and darker. Quigley tried to pull himself together-a phrase which here means, ''calm himself down as he heard his parents and siblings screaming and his house burning to the ground."

Quigley remembered his last map, and how he wasn't able to show it to his parents. He had left the map in the kitchen, and he could imagine it burning to crisp, along with everything else. He waited and waited for his parents to return, but they never did.

It is useless for me to describe the grief, misery and woe Quigley felt in the following days trapped inside the mysterious passageway. It is also useless for me to describe how my brother's former lover's husband's sister and her husband burned to death in their mansion, all alone, unable to rescue their son.

My name is Kit Snicket, and I vow to tell the story of Quigley, Isadora and Duncan Quagmire as accurately as I could, and no matter how miserable. 


	2. Chapter 2The Nervewracking News

_**Chapter Two-**_** The Nerve-wracking News**

It is one of the unfortunate facts in this world that if one little miserable event happens, another bigger miserable event follows, and another, and another, each one more miserable than the last. I once loved a man, but after a series of miserable events, he married another woman, who, unfortunately, happened to be my brother's only love, only to die one terrible morning while his three children were playing in the beach. I'm sad to say that a similar thing had happened to Isadora and Duncan Quagmire.

However, luckily enough, (take note that ''luckily enough" is one of the phrases rarely used in describing the miserable lives of the Quagmires), Isadora and Duncan took a shortcut to their home thanks to one of their friends, and after climbing the fence that seperated their backyard from the backyard of their friend, they walked into the library of their home.

"Is that—"Duncan started.

"Smoke?" Isadora finished, smelling it in the air.

After one terrifying moment of silence the two Quagmires saw smoke coming from the hallway and into the opened door of the library.

"Oh no," Duncan shook his head. "Our house is on fire! Let's get Mother and Dad and Quigley!"'

"You check this floor and I'll go upstairs," said Isadora, and the two made a run for it.

"Mother!" Isadora called, running into her parents' bedroom, which was covered almost entirely by smoke. Isadora coughed. "Dad! Quigley!"

"Isadora!" her mother called from far away, "Duncan!"

"Mother!" Isadora cried, "Dad!"

"Dad!" Duncan cried as he entered the kitchen, which was covered almost entirely by smoke. Duncan coughed.

"Mother! Quigley!"

"Duncan!" cried her father from far away, "Isadora!"

"Mother! Dad! Quigley!"

"Isadora, Duncan! Get out of here! We'll meet you!" The Quagmire parents cried, again and again, their voices getting fainter each time until they stopped.

Fire department sirens rang from far away, getting louder as they got nearer.

"Is anybody there?" cried a third voice, deep and low.

Another woman's voice yelled out, "anybody? Felicia! Arnold!"

The woman caught Isadora, who had been trying to climb out of the window into a tree branch, and safely brought her out.

The man saw Duncan in the kitchen and led him to the backyard and to his sister.

Another man watched over the children. "Stay there while we get your parents!"

He ran to the burning mansion, along with several men and women including the two who had saved Duncan and Isadora, and helped them extinguish the house.

Isadora clutched Duncan's coat and whispered nervously, "Will they get Mother,Dad and Quigley?"

"If they don't," Duncan replied fiercely, "I will."

They glanced at their house, which was slowly burning to a crisp. Isadora burst into tears.

"This the most terrible thing I've ever seen!" Isadora cried.

"It will be okay, Isadora," Duncan said. "But we have to keep a chin up,'' he added, using an expression a man I once loved used that meant, "be optimistic and positive while watching your home burn to a crisp."

"I was wondering, though," Duncan said, ''how did the man know--?"

"Kids!" another firefighter came, "have your parents told you anything about us?"

"About...you?" Isadora asked. "What do you mean? Our parents did not know anybody from a fire department, not that we know of."

"Well, we're not an ordinary fire department, we—"

"R!" Another firefighter ran towards the children and the firefighter talking to them. "R! I think they've found F and A!"

"Mother and Dad?" Duncan asked, too excited to wonder why his parents were being called by their initials.

"Not the Quagmire F and A,'' said the firefighter said, ''R, they've found F and A! I received a call from L in Mount Fraught and-"

"Well, we have another F and another A to worry about, let's focus on them first!" and R and the other volunteer rushed to the burning house.

And for the rest of the hour, Duncan and Isadora witnessed the most horrible event (yet) in their thirteen years of life. I could not describe how long they have waited, how much they had hoped, and how many tears they have shed, only to be given a sad, sad news.

By this time, the house had almost been extinguished, except for a thick mass of flameless smoke, and a fireman walked to the Quagmires.

"Children," he started, "I have-"

"No," Duncan said, "no."

"We're very sorry but-"

"You're lying!" Duncan spat, and turned away. He ran, though he didn't have the tiniest idea on where to go, and after bursting into tears Isadora followed suit.

It was no use chasing them.

Duncan ended up in Briny Beach, where his family had spent their last weekend together, and leaned against a huge rock. Isadora sat beside him, and the two miserable children cried themselves to sleep. And this, I'm sorry to say, is only the beginning of their series of miserable moments.


End file.
